[x]

RelapseIt’s like counting
Saturn’s rings,
hash marks
along your limbs -
remembering a time
when

‘just one more’

made you feel better.

- & you’re sitting there
wondering why
Draco, stuck in limbo
always looks like he’s

falling.

Battle in my MindEat.
Don't eat.
Take it easy.
Work out until you pass out.
Get help.Tell someone.
Keep it a secret. It's only for you and me.
You're perfect.
You're worthless.
You're beautiful.
You're disgusting.
Why won't you listen?
They don't understand.
Let me help you.
You don't understand.
Show me.
No!
I love you..

WorthlessWorthless,
the name that cuts like a knife,
Me,
it's all that you see inside,
My heart,
is breaking with every breath I take
The lies,
the only thing I can't seem to face.

Ode to the boy with diamonds for eyesI think we were a collision course waiting to happen
And when I think back to the day when we first
Stumbled across one another, red sneakers hanging off gutters
Cherry cola voice overs and dilated pupils
We led one another on to believe in the night sky of connect the dot constellations

You wanted to dissect me and peer into the insides of my lungs
Only to find witches breath and dandelions
Slicing iron vowels you locked your hands in mine
And we fell into the static of dreaming disease
The operating table broke away to reveal a sky that never existed
And we couldn't help but laugh at the irony
Because wishing was never an option
The ane

In The Daylight

In The Daylight

A false downfall
An unexpected revival

Sunset to moonset
Shining through darkness

Life...redefined
Death...redesigned

In the valley of promises- I will fear no end
On the brink of weakness- I will ascend
-
Roads of the toughest
Paths of the darkest

I conditioned my flawed limits
So fearful memories won't be paralytic

I had to raise my own spirit
Strength and endurance become so vivid

A chance for change / A moment of fate
A time to make peace / A brief feeling of creed
A sealing of my slate / A silencing of my mistakes
A secret ready to be freed / A chain soon-to-be incomplete

Pain and peace are infinite
Judge the wrat

Our MasksThe masks we wear are perfect
Never loose and rarely tight
They keep us safe from others
And keep our demons out of sight

They smile when we are broken
And laugh when we simply must
No blemish or imperfection
A creation that will never rust.

I seldom ever remember
Who I am without my mask
That to peel off that layer
Is such a daunting task

All others carry one as well
Wherever they may go
And no matter what is on their minds
Only the molded mask will show.

The lies they preach in public
Or the scars along their wrists
Are left mute to others knowledge
Ignorance is such a splendid gift

My mask is oh so perfect
Not a crack will show
Alway

wallflower clippingsthere's scar tissue in her throat,
swollen around the words she never said;
dark rings around her eyes
like planets unremembered, and
a staleness to her touch,
the crystalline Dead Sea.

she's living like a story
that's already been told
"if no one loved you
would you mean anything at all?"

in that moment,
we forget to exist.

One special personEveryone leaves you.
Everyone gives up.
Everyone stops loving you, and stops believing in you, and stops caring about you.
Everyone will say something to hurt you.
Everyone will eventually agree with you when you say “I feel worthless”.
And everyone will eventually say something about you.
And everyone will hurt you intentionally.
Everyone leaves you.
And everyone gives up.

But one person, one special person
Will never leave you.
Will never give up on you.
Will never stop loving you, and never stop believing in you, and never stop caring about you.
Never say anything to hurt you.
Never let you say “I feel worthless”,

LonelyLonely.
Unnoticed.
People don't even look
when they walk by.
Always ignored...
Nobody even asks my ideas,
my opinion.
Nobody even knows
who I am.
When people see me,
they either ignore me,
or ask a question:
"Who are you?"
But they don't even bother
to listen to my response:
"I'm Canada."
Forgotton.
Forgotton by everyone.
Forgotton by my friends, my allies.
Maybe one day
Someone will remember my name.
Canada.

We are the King and Queen of Broken DreamsStanding still in a mine field, staring at all we have left.
We were so young, we didn’t stop to think.
Now we’re in a car crash, teetering on the brink.
If you were to leave me now, I don’t know what I’d do.

It was a whirl wind romance,
A light when all was black, a spark of something when all was bleak.
You swept me off my feet and made me feel brand new.
I thought we could live forever and I’m certain you did to.

We built a house without foundations
And now we’re falling down,
Everything’s crumbling around us, time slipping through out fingertips.
People used to walk past us but they were to drunk to see,
That our lives are coming apart around us, there is no light as far as we can see.

There was no fire to start with,
Just two broken things, the world had left behind.
The casualties of other people’s dreams of power, money and control,
Spat out onto the curb to rot away and die.
We never stood a chance or so

Her SideTomorrow she'll be gone,
but what can you say?
Nothing can help her.
The pain won't go away.

But she would've stopped,
you could've said no.
That's what she wanted,
someone to say don't go.

That someone wanted her,
or at least would try.
That someone would grieve
if she were to die.

But you just stared,
nodding your head,
and she realized the truth
with a feeling of dread.

No one wanted her.
No one cared.
Not even you,
with the the love you shared.

So she said good-bye,
and you watched her leave.
She may have had the rope,
but now you can't breathe.

Falling off the EdgeDo you know what it feels like?
To nearly fall off the edge,
but not quite...
just so that you're dangling;
clinging for your worthless life
lest it fall into the sea of loneliness.
Your callused, pink fingers turning
to a shade of purplish-red of pain
as it does it best to hold on.

Splash.

In the sea of loneliness,
everything is crisp, translucent.
There is nothing around you,
you are alone...
unlike other people,
you have no one
clamouring to save you;
you have no one
diving in to get you out.

There is no point
screaming for help,
you will only waste
the little time and air you have left.
You only have the darkness
of the sea envelop

Lost In ConfusionLost In Confusion

My mind is spinning without a rest
Emotions whirl and twirl around
A merry-go-round gaining speed
Until the world blurrs before my eyes
What's happening? What's going on?

The simplest thought slips away
Right from my mind, fading so fast
Trying to focus, I stare and stare
Until my eyes are heavy and unclear.
I don't understand, what is going on..

Emotions rise and fall again
Within the blink of an eye
I'm crying, laughing, and depressed
A roller-coaster ride that never ends
Am I losing my mind in this?

I try to close my eyes and rest
But the world spins me around
I feel like I am failing this test
Voices and noises echo

Best DiseaseWaves crash through the emptiness that fills the air around
Beating rocks upon the shore with silence as their sound
Sunset melts across the sky and paints the clouds with color
Lying there beside you, something wondrous like no other
Suddenly, the blades start slicing through my very skin
Every knife upon your tongue that came from far within
Running through the thickest forest, dirt rests in my cuts
Throwing knives into my flesh, the blade coated in rust
And though you are the one that scarred me, brought me to my pain
I continue dreaming of our kiss inside the rain
Maybe you have broken me, and maybe you’re impure.
But your love i

Deactivatedthere are voids and black holes
and wounds,
papercuts sinking deep into
finger fissures
only to meet the unmarred love
of bones, strong and
bare and pure.

dark oceans are bleached
into tears that leave nothing
but sea salt in my lips

and my words are injustice
to the death of
your poetry.

this is me
drowning,
trying to be
you

trying to preserve the ardor
of your words
and the honey sweet taste
of your passion

it's also
how my lungs work
(when I don't read something from you
I die more than a little on the inside).

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My Prayer

by ~ThunderLordess, Jan 17, 2013, 10:35:30 AM
Literature / Poetry / Emotional / Free Verse

So let me get this straight:
You took my cat away from my before I started college.
Now the beginning of my winter quarter, You want to take
My dog?

The one who's been with me
Longer than I've been without her
Who was my best friend four years before
I got my first one.

She was the one who put up with me
Dragging her to 4-H
Year after year
Though it must have bored her to tears.

The one who ran around
And around
And around
The horse, every day?

You want to take her?
She'll be no use to You.
She only listens to my voice;
My commands.

What's she going to do up there with You?
Run all day in beautiful meadows studded with wild flowers?
Chase the other horses and sheep up there?
Collapse in a ball in Your lap?

Will You feed her treats all the time?
She really likes cheese.
And broccoli.
And homemade mackerel-flavored bars, too.

Will You make sure to pet her lots?
And tell her that you love her?
And feed her lots of yummy food?
So that she can get up and play around?

Will You throw the ball for her
As long as she wants?
Until she can barely stand
And lays in a panting heap?

I don't want you to take her, God.
I'd prefer it if You didn't.
But if You are, there's no way I can stop You.

Just make her go without any pain.
Please make her go in lots of warmth and love.
And if I start to cry, please tell her
That it wasn't her fault.

That Mommy was crying because
She was happy
That she'll be in a better place
And that I'll miss her so much.

Please tell her that I'm crying
For me, because I'm so selfish.
I'd rather have her here with me
Instead of in paradise with You.

So please make her last until this weekend
That way I can see her
And hold her
And tell her that everything's going to be
Alright.

And one last thing, before You go,
Can she still visit me sometimes?
I'd really, really like it.
And I know she'll like it too.

And for Your sake, please help me learn to live without her in my life.

My Prayerby ~ThunderLordess

Literature / Poetry / Emotional / Free Verse

I have nothing to say here.

~~love 0 0~~

~~joy 0 0~~

~~wow 0 0~~

~~mad 0 0~~

sad 5 5

~~fear 0 0~~

~~neutral 0 0~~

~littlezombiekitten Apr 10, 2013 Hobbyist

oh my gosh, that was beautiful. I remember when we had to put down my dog due to kidney problems. stay strong

~ThunderLordess Apr 10, 2013

Thank you. It's better now, but sometime, I'll come home and go to my room, and see the blue food bowl with the bag with a tuft from her tail, and I'll just sit and cry.

~littlezombiekitten Apr 10, 2013 Hobbyist

awwh it's okay sometimes you just have to cry to get your feelings out. a while ago I was doing some spring cleaning and I found the cards people had given us saying stuff like "I'm sorry for the loss of your pet" and I cried for a while.

~ThunderLordess Apr 10, 2013

~Cresselivoir Jan 25, 2013 Hobbyist Digital Artist

Oh Rai, I don't know what to say... I'm so sorry! D':

~ThunderLordess Jan 26, 2013

It's okay, Mew.

~wolftail1999 Jan 18, 2013 Professional Filmographer

*crying softly* god, this reminds me of when my grandma's puppy died. i was sooooo upset that my mom thought i'd never get over it.......i still havn't completely TT^TT

~ThunderLordess Jan 18, 2013

I'm sorry, Wolfie. It looks like we're in the same boat. I'm probably going to be crying and stuff for the next week or something... And it's gunna suck...

~wolftail1999 Jan 18, 2013 Professional Filmographer

i hope you can learn to live with it soon. i'm bad, i technicly got over my grandma's dogs death the next day. although i still miss the black fuzz ball with brown paws and a whi8te tail TT^TT.

~ThunderLordess Jan 18, 2013

Some times are better than others. I was fine all today until I came home.

It just really sucks..

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